General
Balancing grief and gratitude
April 25, 2024
in General
We had an amazing discussion last night in support groups on living with grief and gratitude post transplant, and how we hold both. I know we're all so grateful, AND our being grateful doesn't eliminate how hard this is, or the grief of everything we've lost along the way.
Personally this is one of my favourite things to talk about. We have to find a way to balance the grief and gratitude or we get crushed by it. Too much of the "I'm just so grateful" and it can lead to toxic positivity. Too much grief and stuck in the heaviness of the emotion and we can experience depression, anxiety, burnout, collapse.
What are your tips for finding this balance, and acknowledging the both/and of living with transplant?
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In the beginning I had difficulty balancing the grief and gratitude. I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I had weekly check ins with my therapist for the first month. I now use my advocacy work to help me balance the grief and I continue to thank my medical team and think of ways to express gratitude to honor my donor.
Yes, it is a rollercoaster. In the first year, my feelings of grief took me to a very dark side (I was feeling so guilty) for receiving something so precious from someone that I didn't know if it was a mother who had small children or a father who had a young wife and kids... I was very depressed feeling that was my obligation to do something for the family that had a such loss, and not knowing anything and not being able to show my gratitude was extremely sad, but at the same time so thankful to be alive. Today, I know that is a reason for me to be here, and is my duty to honor the person who gave me a chance in life, the family, and the medical team that made this process less difficult. I am a better person because of what happened to me and I have my donor (who I call Angel) in my thoughts every single day.
Gratitude, absolutely. I don’t think I ever experienced grief on a real high level but I do deal with incredibly high anxiety and I hate to say it, depression. That bothers me because I should hold my gratification much higher than my depression or anxiety. My worries are what almost all of us experience, the bills!!! I worried about bills before I ever got sick so that’s not new. But it’s on another level now. I gotta do something my wife has said many times, “stop worrying n live 4 today”. It’s such great advice but heeding is another thing. Thank you all for letting me vent.
Transplant Patient
Indeed, @AliEm14 - it's necessary & optimal to find a balance. Personally, in my case; there will always be grief and sadness & deep gratitude for my Donor Hero & his amazing Donor Family.
That said, there is plenty of grief in my life, and there's not much I can do about it at this point, except embrace it to make me stronger & more resilient. I truly believe that there's a reason why everything happens, in this universe. Further, I know that there's a purpose as to why I've been saved so many times. I don't know what the purpose is yet, but I know that I'm extremely lucky, completely blessed, and I'm forever grateful for the amazing Gift of Life.
To those who are patiently waiting for the Gift: please stay positive; please don't hesitate to seek help in order to keep mentally active and stable; have infinite hope.
For those who have been blessed with the Gift of Life: please try to live your lives in the present, and protect the Gift to honor all those who made it possible, especially your respective Donor Heroes.
Live & Love Life and move ahead with gratitude & purpose. 👍
Everyone, stay healthy & blessed. 🙏
Organ Donation
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Transplantation
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Miracles 💯
- Sam
❤️Recipient, Apr 20,2015
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Transplant Patient
I think this conversation is so important A. Because as a society I genuinely don’t think we have a good grasp on what grief is and B. There’s this idea we can’t feel grief and gratitude at the same time. I feel both, pretty consistently, sometimes at the same time, and one doesn’t cancel out the other.
i taught a grief workshop this week and the grief represented wasn’t grief because people died. I think there are so many layers of grief inherently in transplant, and that focusing on the positive or just the gratitude only hurts people.
your grief is allowed! Everything you feel belongs.