Liver
Question about guilt:
January 28, 2025
in Liver
I have heard and read about guilt after transplant surgery. I never experienced it. I was very happy to be alive and very grateful for the organ I received. I know someone lost their precious life and I was saved. And for that I will be ever grateful. The reason I bring this up is I have had discussions where other health related issues have come up n I’ll admit it gets me down. I don’t give up but I do whine sometimes about the other issues. I have received a response where I was told I should be happy and feel fortunate to be alive. But I sometimes think non transplant people don’t understand the multitude of problems we still face and that we still get down because post transplant like is not easy. Just writing to vent.
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Transplant Patient
All emotions are welcome here! I always say both things get to coexist at the same time. You can be upset or complain or struggle with the fact this is your life AND be grateful. People get told to just be grateful as if it’s that easy. Only feeling one way all the time wouldn’t make you a human, it would make you a robot. Being human is having conflicting feelings and ups and downs and being messy sometimes.
I love my life. And I probably wouldn’t put myself through this again. I’m really grateful I got a transplant. And living in my body is really hard some days.
we all need spaces to vent. And we all need the reminder it’s ok to not just be positive and grateful all the time. Acknowledge when it sucks. We’re here for you and your human experience
thanks @AliEm14 For your understanding words.
I run into guilt. Frequently. My story might seem like many others, but I really don't hear it a lot. I had to have a transplant due to alcohol. I often beat myself up. I think I drank myself here, and I took a gift from someone who may or may not have chosen me. I talk to someone every week. It helps. I have come to understand that my donor made a choice to love. What a beautiful gift. I choose to acknowledge the feeling, but remember to look around. Take in the world and life for not only yourself, but for a way to thank your beautiful donor.
TiaBean, I appreciate your honesty and your comment about the donor making a choice to love.
@KevR I am writing my thesis for my psychology degree on this exact topic. I have a sample of 62 participants and I will share my data and finds with you after it. I struggle with guilt but my surgeon said something on a panel one day that has stuck with me. He said that I was doing everything my donor would have wanted me to do. He said I am doing good and taking care of my health. I advocate for organ donation. I also keep the mindset that my donor's light and life shine through me and that I am able to keep his legagcy going. Your feelings are valid
Sorry I haven’t been on for a good bit of X. Hope all is well @Ldybug97.
i am saying a prayer for you and all on this site. You all have been apart of giving me some joy. I will admit now I was down when I joined. It’s a journey but being apart of this gap definitely makes it smoother.
Beautiful words @TiaBean.
I pray all is well. I’m truly happy that we’ve been able to bring a little joy into your life. Just remember that we’re all in this together. Like a tree, each of us is a unique branch, connected and growing together. I can honestly say I have had some days when I feel disconnected and sad, If we can be a support to you. don't ever hesitate to reach out. I feel when I get just a check in from someone that can change my whole day and shift my mood.
I haven't been to many of the meetings but have gotten a lot from the ones I did attend. Tomorrow I am going to the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix to await a liver transplant. I am #1 on the list for my blood type. It's a weird thing to say I hope I get a healthy liver because I know someone has to lose their life for me to live.
Transplant Patient
I love when you attend our meetings. My favourite piece of advice about the wait list was given to me by @Kouimet. Our donors are going to die with or without us receiving their organs. What she did with her son's wait was they would spend their time wishing for all these good things for the donor to experience before they died. It's such a tricky place to be knowing we're essentially waiting for the worst day of someone's lives, and it helps me so much reframing it this way. And we're always here for you if you want to vent, or just need to chat with people who get it
I'm new here liver transplant Thanksgiving day 2017. It was apparent that the donor family wanted nothing to do with me. My thoughts are all over the place, why who what. ( I have allergies I never had before I'm angry ) I am thankful, but I want and need to know so much more. No one I live with understands what I live with. I never had allergies, never had feeling of anger. And now I really hate Thanksgiving. Crazy Religious side (husband) always want to make it a show of their prayer.
I pray that you were a match. Your're the first........Praying it will happen