Liver
My Second Chance, Literally
my Liver died and it was all my fault…
dealing with a toxic relationship, multiple issues I wasn’t addressing, in denial about alot of things and I was self medicating with alcohol.
hospital was genuinely surprised I drove myself to the ER in my condition and they wasted no time in drawing blood. I was admitted to the ICU and the nightmarish fever dream began. I’m not exaggerating, craziness ensued and I was very paranoid.
I only remember certain parts but yeah that first week wasn’t pretty. when I got the news I killed my liver, I literally cried right there after they drained the fluid from my abdomen.
I knew what this meant and the Nurses genuinely felt bad for me but tried to lift my spirit. Unfortunately I needed to be transferred to a better establishment that handles my situation.
no sleep and more blood drawn killing my veins, I was given hope that my chance at a liver was 50/50 but I remained grounded cause, what if? I already accepted my fate after being told it was dead, I killed it…
I spoke to a couple counselors and then a caseworker about my situation. much later on the news finally came in the middle of the night that they got one for me and were gonna prep me.
on my way to the OR I got to see my designated nurse Marie one last time and she wished me the best. I made small talk with the staff before I was put under, I woke up once afterwards.
I didn’t see or feel anything, I could hear them telling my family my hands were fully restrained so I couldn’t move them. I’m stronger than I look, I managed to move them regardless and after that I passed out.
I fully wake up later with a tube down my throat with my wrists restrained to the sides of the bed. I get a nurse’s attention and use the hand gesture of writing to obviously signal what I want. Wouldn’t let me have a paper & pen, I was so angry…
much later my Family got me a pen & paper and I asked for my phone to text, left downstairs with all my stuff…
when I was given instructions on removing the tube I didn’t hesitate and pulled that thing out in record time. I was beyond happy I could talk again and complained about the nurses not giving me pen & paper when I woke up, I had questions.
Recovery after that was pretty straightforward and unfortunately in the beginning I needed assistance for alot of things until I got my strength back. I’m very prideful and want to do things myself but this was one of those times that I needed to be humble.
after my time at the hospital came to a close, I started gradually getting better and better physically but mentally I was still struggling. I’ve been given a second chance at life but I knew once I walked out those doors, the negativity I left behind was waiting for me.
I suffered a Relapse, I know shame on me, I told the hospital what happened and enrolled in a Recovery Program. I’m now in a much better place and feel more appreciative than ever for my transplant.
1 - 3 of 3 Replies
JBiz, I hope you have continued recovery. You have so much living left to do and people you can inspire. Good Luck.
@Deb329 Thank You
after I left Residental I followed up with PHP and now finishing up IOP. I attend meetings as well but those for most are Hit or Miss
Recovery is more than just about quitting using, it’s literally the help many can benefit from but don’t want
I’m forging ahead
You are so inspiring! To come out and be this vulnerable is beautiful. You are an inspiration and don't forget that. There are so many people out there who feel ashamed and lonely. Reading this will help others realize they are not alone and that there is hope for a future. Please keep showing up for yourself and keep inspiring! This is what life is about. Gaining and imparting knowledge. Awesome post!