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Kidney

PTSD at the blood draw

KarinExpert
Transplant Patient
August 16, 2022 in Kidney

Every time I'm called to do blood work at my transplant clinic, I'm secretly excited while also scared. 

It's an odd “dual feeling” - as a competitive individual, I crave rankings and numbers of all kinds, like: 

  • listing me against the norm
  • explaining symptoms I may have
  • and reading more about the possible reasons why some values may be up or down. 

So I do crave getting the results back. 

In fact, before patient portals were available, I would be that patient who terrorized the assistants and doctors to get my results back asap just to analyze the numbers myself and study them versus previous data.

However, the moment I sit down in the chair for Venopuncture, my mind is lost and my emotions are raw. 

I start freezing and shaking, and often tears fall. 

I'm reminded of my status as a chronic patient with a severe condition and I'm brought back to several other situations where I was sick and hospitalized. Memories of my diagnosis at 16 with T1D, my transplants, my pacemaker surgery and the times I had a difficult infection... 

I guess this is what people call PTSD - and I have tried to combat it by talking to the phlebotomist, thinking about other things, or studying my phone. 

But nothing helps.

These PTSD emotions last only a few moments, but they scar me for the rest of the day. 

What do YOU think about in these situations to distract your mind and focus on the positive?

1 - 4 of 4 Replies

  • hazzlerTransplant Patient

    It is nerve wracking for me as well and I am about to celebrate my 33rd kidneyversary. I chat with my phlebotomist and reassure myself that I have not felt any unusual symptoms recently. But it does blow up my day. My wife has come to realize that I am going to be out of sorts and is very nice about my paranoia. 😬 I envy those who are unaffected by the process. 🙂

    August 16, 2022
  • AliEm14Expert
    Transplant Patient

    working and living in the transplant space, I’m usually very aware of my chronic status but I agree it hits different when you’re confronted with the real nature of it. For me it’s ultrasounds. Labs and MRI’s I’m totally fine but ultrasounds do it for me every time. I also just passed my anniversary, which surprisingly hit me really hard.

    In the moment I try to explain to any medical personnel what’s going on. I try to surround each medical procedure with a song and dance break, literally moving emotion out of my body and singing at the top of my lungs (usually after, though I have been known to sing during scans and do a little shimmy on the table). Giving myself time to really feel the extent of my emotion before and after helps too. Yes it’s hard, and I can do hard things. It’s ok to cry, it’s ok that my brain is telling me this isn’t safe. And then just breathing. I also find making eye contact with myself using the selfie function on my phone helps, like a reminder to me that I’ve got me and my wiser, adult self can be there with the traumatized part of me

    August 16, 2022
  • Sanj77Transplant Patient

    I've literally today jsut had my bloods done for my regular post-transplant clinic and it is the thing I dred the most. I hate it. I hate the needle going in, the feeling of it hanging out of my arm and wondering if they'll get the vein the first time!

    I've just posted on my insta about this.

    I used to feel like a pin cushion when I was in hospital!

    November 25, 2022
  • ShelbycreatesExpert
    Transplant Patient

    I created a visualization-meditation to listen to on the way to getting my labs drawn. And yes, that definitely sounds like PTSD @Karin I feel like it’s the same for me too! I used to love graphing and charting out all my results and trying to figure out what was going on. If anyone wants the meditation, I have it here-

    https://view.flodesk.com/pages/630f8fe5e336b8a8b0e6b8c8


    November 28, 2022
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