🎵 Let's Talk About Sex, Baby 🎶

brookegurrad

I'm doing it. I'm bringing it up. Sex is important, whether married or not, alone or not, young or old, transplanted or a caregiver.

I wish this topic were less taboo because the convos need to be had.

I was transplanted at age 20, and never had sex before then. So I don't have a pre/post transplant experience to compare. I only know sex within the limitations of chronic pain, mental health, and a partner as my primary caregiver. All of those dynamics are super tricky and confusing sometimes.

I know this is a vulnerable topic, and I promise to regard perspectives with care and safety. If you're feeling brave, let's talk about sex, baby.

AliEm14

Let's talk about sex! It's one of those things that has so many nuances to it, and that doesn't get talked about. I've done so much wrestling with this topic, because things like being in pain and my meds affected my sex drive and how I felt about my body. There was such this unintentional split created by the idea that because pain and sickness existed within my body, pleasure didn't. I cut myself off from myself just to survive. And then with the trauma of everything, I didn't feel safe to be present in my body.

My partner is my primary caregiver, which completely changed the dynamics of our relationship. I can only speak from a recipient's point of view, and I'd be interested to hear how other caregivers experienced this, but for me there was no real distinction between us as romantic partners and us as partners in medical care, and I didn't know how to mentally shift between those roles.

I was 23 when I got my transplant, and have been sick my whole life, so post transplant sex is really the best sex I've had. It's also the healthiest I've been, which helps.

I will add that solo sex post transplant was huge for me in rediscovering a relationship with myself and my body. I felt like I really had to know who I was before I could even think about sharing that with another person. And now I'm at the point that being able to access pleasure for myself and to share with others feels really important to me

EB_22

This has definitely come up between my husband and I since transplant. I am only about 67 days post transplant and poor guy is itching! Doctors told me to at least wait 6 weeks, but I am just so nervous about doing anything! I feel like I don’t know where my new kidney and pancreas are and if it’ll bother them lol in reality I know it won’t, but it’s on my mind. He is also the primary caregiver to me and has been helping me so much! I hope I can relax a little soon and reconnect with him on that personal level. I’m also curious to what things will feel like now!

TServold

I am so glad this was brought up. I have wanted to bring it up... but its so taboo, I refrained.

I was asked to wait 10 - 12 weeks due to two back to back rounds of thymo, and increased risk of UTI. My husband and I obliged. After that 12 weeks... I was also asked to stop my birth control due to the blood clot on my pancreas. They did not want those additional hormones. So, we had to "act like teenagers, again" or, that is what we joked around it felt like. My husband asked me if I thought he should get a vasectomy. I am a firm believer in making your own decisions about your own body, and that this was not my choice to make for him. Did I want to have any more kids? No... But, my OBGYN advised against me having my tubes tied after transplant, simply just to avoid another surgery. Not because she was against the procedure. Does my husband want more kids, no? Well, we would both be open to adoption, if we decided to raise another child. All that being said, we have not prioritized my husband having the procedure. Again, his body, not my responsibility. Part of that is me being stubborn. I have my own body and medical things to keep track of, I don't need his too. So, I had a IUD placed. I was and still am terrified of getting pregnant again. This impacts our sex life more than anything. Once we did finally have sex again after my transplant and I had that connection with my husband again, my other concerns went away. I knew that a UTI was treatable, and that my incision was fully healed and wouldn't cause any damage. Those 12 weeks before any sort of physical connection were hard for both of us. I did appreciate the "teen phase" we had for a bit, maybe it made the transition back into sex easier, maybe not.

I also, didn't have a sex drive prior to transplant. It just wasn't there. I had post-orgasm headaches before my transplant. This was likely due to a rise in blood pressure. I had to play a very passive role in our relationship, this was difficult for both of us. After transplant I did not experience those headaches and that has been pretty great. I will say after transplant my drive is back (and probably an over share) more than ever.

@EB_22 , I say trust your body, trust your new organs, and when you are ready. GO FOR IT!

Aklowak

Sexy time for me and my partner post transplant was a bit backwards for a while. As usually my partner has the higher sex drive but being on home dialysis was a definite mood killer for me! So we would take “staycations” at local hotels on my no dialysis days- this was a fantastic way for us to connect and be out of the caregiver and sick person roles that would cloud my mind. However post transplant my sex drive went wild lol 😂 I still had drains in my abdomen and I was ready to go!

my partner however was my donor and his recovery was difficult and he expressed concern over how tired he was for weeks and weeks with no end in sight to his exhaustion.

his body has taken longer to adjust to only 1 kidney than we expected. Thankfully it is starting to get better now that we are 8 months out from surgery. The odd date night in a hotel still helps us and we love the get a way to reconnect- we also have a 2yo so that’s also a bit of a blockade to the good times lol