General
Intimate partnerships
Anybody else find their relationship functioned better in the immediate transplantation stage than in long term recovery?
my partner and I have been together for 7 years now, married for 4, and our relationship ran so smoothly when I was really sick and recovering. We’re really good at getting through a crisis together. But now that I’m recovering, I’m noticing we’re on two different wave lengths. He more or less went back to normal life while I’m over here like “omg the world!” My entire life, career... became motivated by transplant. And while we’re both working through our emotions, it feels like we’re working less as a team.
I know from my grief training this is normal. Couples grieve differently and transplant is a huge change. I’m curious - those of you who were in a long term relationship at the time of your transplant and stayed together, how did it affect your relationship?
1 - 8 of 8 Replies
Transplant Patient
We've realized that we are really good in "crisis mode," but are having to learn the ins and outs of communicating around my health when I'm having pain days that don't require hospitilation but need special care is challenging.
I'm interested to see what others have learned or struggle with as well.
I am not a transplant patient but I can relate to this through cancer. My marriage was rocky when I was diagnosed but cancer for sure affected that. For me it was trying to find my sexually self after my body was changed so dramatically. I have to say I wish I had some grief training. You do have to grieve some sort of loss through these tough medical issues that change your body and affect your mental being.
Transplant Patient
@AnnMarie so true! A huge journey I’ve been on now is finding my own identity and how it also relates to being in a marriage. I feel so disoriented myself it’s hard to then also translate that to another person.
SO important to share this side. Feeling alone in this is hard. Social media makes us think everyone is getting along great. Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing this topic. I was 15 when I had my heart transplant so this wasn’t even a thought. Now 17 years later, I’m in a committed relationship and back on the list for 2 organs... this is something I think about.
I was in a long term relationship when I had my transplant. He was the most supportive person and so was his family. I had amazing support! But a year after transplant I was 24 and I felt like I needed to live and not be tied down. He wanted to settle down and I wanted to travel. I had spent so many years being sick I was ready to live again. So we mutually split. 6 years later I settled down and married someone. Everything was great and then I went through a major rejection episode. I spent months in the hospital. He was very supportive but it took an extreme emotional toll on him. Before marriage we never had a discussion about this being a possibility. I don't think he was prepared for it. Once I was better we divorced. Since then I decided I am stronger on my own. I haven't regretted that decision, yet. Marriage is work and add in any kind of illness is tough.
Transplant Patient
@Jeanmarie i can relate. I’m still married to my partner I went through transplant with but there are times I feel like who I am now is completely different than who I was when we got married and I was so sick. I want my fun crazy years I never got to have, and balancing that with being in a committed relationship is hard