General
Let’s Talk About Sex
November 5, 2021
in General
Are we ready for this?
last night my husband and I were talking and I was mentioning a conversation I’d had with a fellow caregiver. I asked my husband what his “words of wisdom” would be for other caregivers and he jokingly said “you can say goodbye to your sex life”
but he was serious and we both know it! Sex post transplant is messy during the best of times. Nerve pain, what once felt good now feels awkward. There’s scars and I’m just getting comfortable myself in this new body let alone sharing that experience with someone else. It’s a lot!
so let’s talk about it. Tell me solutions you’ve found (or want or things you’ve tried that have worked or haven’t worked)
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This has been a conversation and struggle in my relationship. Between fatigue and side effects it’s hard. I have found being open and honest has help. It’s a learning curve but I think if you have good communication it goes a long way.
I never been one to hide my scars. I always been upfront about them. I also say from the beginning that my medications affects my sex drive. It’s also finding that intimacy and connection in other ways.
I assume we are all adults here, therefore “ready” for everything.😉 excellent question.
we have heard (until we can’t bear it) about how we are all different. And I would imagine in “bedroom matters” we are as well?
my wife and I are enjoying the same activity level post (with the appropriate healing ) as before (pre sickness). Unfortunately, (or fortunately?) something occurred during my hospitalization that caused an actual “metamorphosis” of my ..um er…ah…equipment. The shape changed and I encountered pain. Luckily, the pain went away! But the change stayed. I feel like I had 2 transplants! (The title of my book would be “My wife has been cheating on me! With my own body!”)
I am coming to terms with my new “friend”. I miss my old friend, but as long as I wake up and can breathe everyday, I am a happy camper!
Nothing to feel bad about. There are other ways to show your bride or groom intimacy. I'm a heart transplant patient who's 12+ years out from transplant. I don't remember ever having any trouble in that department. When ever you're able, exercise might be helpful.
Transplant Patient
@Marklive i love your ways of describing it. I’m working on an article right now about being catfished by myself. Like who is this person and what is going on with my body? Glad to know I’m not alone!
I think there are more of us than let on!😆😆
Transplant Patient
That book title is 🔥. I'd read it
Transplant Patient
Also a fantastic book title "Catfished by Myself" Love it!
Transplant Patient
Yes! I feel like this is something we need to talk about more. I was so prepped for the medical side of transplant like I was going to need physio and to relearn how to walk and my stomach muscles would be gone but no one ever told me anything about how my personal life was going to exist post transplant.
I would say the hardest part is how my relationship changed with my wife. 6 month total in and out of hospitals, on dialysis for a short while, double transplant rescued at the last minute buzzer while on deaths door. All this to say --the sex life has changed completely--we got comfortable being in the space of her taking care of me--so our love grew stronger--but we also had to forget about sexual intimacy because it was the last thing to think of. 4 years later we are still crawling back from that place.