Post Transplant Grief
Has anybody else ever experienced intense periods of grief post transplant? I'm nearly 3 years out, and most days I have a huge sense of pride in being a transplant recipient. I work in transplant related fields, I advocate a lot for organ donation and patient rights (some of which have recently made it to a national level here in Canada), I genuinely love what I do and can't imagine doing anything else.
And I've been experiencing these moments lately of intense grief. For a while I thought it was survivor's guilt, or guilt around I'm doing so well and I know so many fellow transplant recipients who aren't, and there's some of that there too I think. It's never that I wish I'd never gotten a transplant - if anything I wish I'd been transplanted sooner - but I'm experiencing a ton of grief over who I was pre-transplant and how sick I was and all the terrible things I had to go through. And hearing so many stories, I find I can easily get overwhelmed and start believing things that aren't true (I am healthy right now, this is a fact. My meds are working for me. Just because it isn't true for someone else doesn't mean it's not true for me.)
Has anybody else experienced this cascade of emotion? How did you work through it? I'd really love to shine light on the part of transplant that isn't all gratitude, light and everything is bright and shiny