General
Body image post transplant
I made, and ate, cookies last night. Too many. And I am still so excited because I can eat cookies again. And my body loves cookies.
@meghansmith made a post on Instagram a bit ago about post transplant bodies, and I’ve been thinking about it too. My body has changed post transplant, and not only in the cookie eating way. Looking at pre and post transplant pictures of my body I don’t even look like the same person. And that’s hard sometimes. To go through such a big ordeal that you feel like you’re not even yourself anymore.
how has your body changed since transplant? How are you dealing with it? What helps you cope? And do you have any not so guilty pleasures (and how do you manage listening to your body and also not eating an entire pan of cookies? Asking for a friend 😉)
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I really struggled with the body post transplant. Especially having to go back to high school with prednisone cheeks. It honestly took me years to accept my body and all the scars and bruises. Even when I lost weight and got the fluid off from my bad kidneys I still struggle with body dysmorphia.
I’ve always been a big girl but when my liver began to malfunction I gained lots of weight, mostly fluid. As my illness progressed I quit eating and lost a lot of weight, people didn’t recognize me at all then I had my transplant. I’m back to eating but still eating not small amounts at a time but my weight is climbing rapidly. I miss the skinny me but not the sick me. I have fat in places I’ve never carried weight before and yes I crave sweets. I read Tacrslimus could cause weight gain. I was told by a friend to be proud of my body and think about what my body has carried me through. I try to remind myself that everyday.
Transplant Patient
the dysmorphia for me, even when my weight had settled and i lost all the fluid and had a working liver again, is such a struggle. I definitely didn't prefer being sick, but i felt like i knew who i was more in a bigger body. All the loose skin and stretch marks from gaining and losing weight so fast is a big struggle too
I was 170 the day of my transplant when I left to go home in March I had to stay at the hospital from January till March I was down to 124 8 months later I am 183 pounds. I know I need to lose the weight and do it know but I just crave sweets. As for my long scar that is in the middle of my stomach I think of it as my badge of triumph for all that I want through before my transplant. 💚
Transplant Patient
I had a moment of strong body dysmorphia last night and from it, wrote a blog post. If you’re interested you can check it out here: https://www.alishaemerald.com/
what are your tips for getting through, and thriving in, bad body dysmorphia days?
I am worried about this already and im still pre-transplant. I already have issues with self esteem.. I know for a fact that I get horrible moon-face from Prednisone. I know I'm not going to recognize myself for a while and it's really bothering me. Plus I feel stupid for even thinking about my appearance when I should be grateful for the transplant!
Transplant Patient
@Kriste its not stupid at all! You are allowed to have ALL your feelings, not just gratitude for your transplant. It’s a traumatic, life changing event!
realizing it pre-transplant means you can begin to address it. I stocked up on fun wigs since I knew I’d probably lose my hair. I got new cozy clothes that made me feel good. And I focused on self care activities and doing things that made me feel good.
it is hard, but you’re not alone. And it’s not forever. We are here to support you every step of the way!
@Kriste I second what @AliEm14 said. You are not alone. Remember it is temporary and give yourself a lot of grace. Post transplant focus on healing and resting.
Your whole life changes when you have a transplant. You can still be grateful while you adjust to this major life altering event.
Transplant Patient
I was very worried about this and made sure I did not go on steroids post transplant! However, I have lost muscle and weight dramatically over time w the transplant and it seems hard to build back - feeling weaker and looking less healthy for sure!! I hate when people say “I wish I had that problem” when I say it is hard to keep food due to the drugs!
As a CarePartner, I can share that I have never met a Transplant patient who wasn't beautiful and blessed. The drug weight will call away and your scars are your badges of honor so be proud and confident as you are beautiful.
Piney1147
You just totally made my day!! Thank you!!