Liver
Anniversary Grief
August 17, 2022
in Liver
I'm in the middle of what I call my "anniversary season" (My first liver transplant happened on August 14, 2020 with the second 3 days later. I then spent 3 weeks in ICU on a vent)
This anniversary is hitting me hard. Rather than running from the messy feelings of it all, I'm trying to process them, and part of the way I'm doing that is through writing.
Here's a blogpost I did on anniversary grief. Can anyone relate?
https://alishaemerald.com/blog/2-years-and-everything-has-changed
1 - 7 of 7 Replies
Wow pretty powerful, yes I felt many feelings while reading, I am almost 2 yrs. LT/1yr AWR.
Your words are so beautiful @AliEm14
I used to have times of the year where my body literally ceased to function. I couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't participate in life. And then a FB memory would pop up and I'd be like, oh ya! this was the day we were living in Japan during the March 2011 earthquake and tsunami. Oh ya, this was the day I was diagnosed with kidney failure from a letter in the mailbox.
And I'd let myself do what she needed during those times to get the rest my nervous system needed.
Over the past 6 months, I've done some serious healing work on my body use pain reprocessing therapy techniques. And incredibly as it sounds, this is the first year since 2015 that I didn't have a terrible time with my body in March. There are so many traumas to heal through our bodies. And I'm glad to be finding that healing parts of my past is helping with anniversary grief. I know I'm not completely past everything, but I'm finding things that are helping me to function during these times of the year.
Sending you so much love. This life can be really hard and challenging. Thanks for your reminders to be gentle with ourselves. It's the opposite of what society teaches us.
You are amazing. Plain and simple. I cry every day as I’m waiting. I used to not remember the last time I cried. I pray you find healing in knowing you are a warrior even on the quiet days. Sending hugs! Everyone needs ‘em.
Transplant Patient
Right back at you! We can do hard things
Transplant Patient
Have you read the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Vanderkolk? He speaks to this, how trauma is literally stored in our bodies and how the body remembers even when the brain doesn't. It speaks of how much healing is an integrative, holistic thing.
I'm learning to take things day by day, and not focus on where I think I should be. Which, you are so right, is the opposite of how we're taught
@AliEm14 yes! I did read that book. It was hard for me to get through it. In fact, I had to get it on audible and then listen to it while I walked through the woods in order to process all the information. But I will say it was transformative! And helped me so much!! I think it’s why my anniversaries haven’t been as challenging. It’s because I’m keying into my body so she doesn’t have to scream at me anymore like she used to before I’d listen ☺️
This was so helpful. I was okay year one and two on the anniversary but last February was so hard. Year 3. I fell apart. But it was okay. I had been wondering where all that grief was. I will read the book though so that hopefully year 4 will go better.